Allison Auth longs for the quiet writing life until reading about a cabin in the woods helps her see the gift of today.  

Over the Christmas break, I read two books on writing and found myself becoming envious as both authors described disappearing into their office or study to write for hours and days, only to emerge for food. I dream of uninterrupted days to read, think, and write because with five kids at home, most days it’s hard enough to snatch an hour here or there. I was feeling rather discouraged about making any progress on my writing projects when I read a Substack post from Hedi Hess Saxton, author, editor, and cohost of the Catholic Mom Prayercast.  

In the post, she described how she was about to spend two weeks at her cabin in the woods, alone without a car. Her husband and children were all traveling and the car was in the shop. While it would be my dream right now to be alone for two weeks, she was not looking forward to the uncommon quiet. Yes, when her kids were younger, she could have benefited from it! But her kids are all grown now, and a new season has its own difficulties.  

Staying in the present 

I sat comparing my situation to Heidi’s and realized that I am always looking ahead to the next thing instead of staying in the present. Quiet would be nice, but without my wild, wonderful kids, I would have a lot less to write about! I wouldn’t even be the same person without my family to shape and stretch me. Then one day my children will all be gone, I will get the silence I dreamed of, and I will wish for it to be noisy again. 

All my life I have wanted the next thing — to be two years older, to go off to college, to get married, for the kids to grow up, and so on. In pining for the future, I miss out on the present. So this week, I’ve tried to remain in the present to soak in the daily moments, whether it’s a conversation in the car with my oldest son about airplanes, watching a movie with my girls, or snuggling and reading a book with the toddler. 

Setbacks and grace 

Still, I have a lot of setbacks. I keep forgetting to stay in the moment and let the writing happen when it will. I get anxious over the growing to-do list and never find enough time for my projects. Yet while some days are about getting stuff done, some are more about stopping and snuggling the kids, and in the end, they balance out.  

If I had two weeks to write, it’s possible that I would waste my time instead of making my minutes count here at home. And the irony is, I am living the dream I hoped for 17 years ago by marrying the guy and raising the kids. I should not take that for granted! 

God can use our deferred dreams to keep us hoping and to remind us of what we’ve already gained. Jesus even tells us: “Do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34), and here is an opportunity to place our trust in God. The future may be full of weeks to write but today has my kids under my roof and the grace available to me right now is for this moment only.  

God meets us in the present, not the future or the past. This moment is all I’ve got, and I have to remember how beautiful and good it is, even in the difficulties and the noise.  

Saint Faustina has a beautiful poem towards the beginning of her Diary that reminds me that God’s grace is in the present. I’ll end with her words: 

When I look into the future, I am frightened, 
But why plunge into the future? 
Only the present moment is precious to me, 
As the future may never enter my soul at all. 

It is no longer in my power,  
To change, correct or add to the past; 
For neither sages nor prophets could do that. 
And so, what the past has embraced I must entrust to God. 

O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire. 
I desire to use you as best I can. 
And although I am weak and small, 
You grant me the grace of your omnipotence. 

And so, trusting in Your mercy, 
I walk through life like a little child,  
Offering You each day this heart 
Burning with love for Your greater glory. (from Divine Mercy in my Soul: Diary of Sister M. Faustina Kowalska) 

Article appeared originally on CatholicMom.com here. Reprinted with permission.

About the Author

 Allison Auth lives with her woodworker husband and 5 children in the Denver area, where she homeschools her kids. She is the author of Baby and Beyond: Overcoming Those Post-Childbirth Woes  (Sophia Institute Press) and contributes regularly to the Denver Catholic. She is active in her parish and homeschooling communities. Learn more about her work at AllisonAuth.com.